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There are so many things that keep us from showing up as our authentic selves in this world. I believe this is even more so true for women. Whether it is social conditioning, past traumas, feelings of imposter syndrome, insecurities, fear of failure or whatever it might be holding you back. Showing up and believing in ourselves can be really hard.
Let’s get a little personal for a minute. I’ll admit, I haven’t spent a lot of time in my life doing things for myself or doing things on my own for that matter. I am the oldest sibling of 6, and much of my childhood was spent caring for my younger siblings while my parents were doing their own thing. I then got pregnant at a young age and went from taking care of my siblings to taking care of my own baby. Fast forward to now, I have been with my husband for 27 years, and now have 3 kids. Being alone, or going places alone almost didn’t exist. And when you consider that most of this time was also spent in survival mode, I realized that I never took care of myself or put my goals or needs first. My life was dedicated to others and their needs.
This story might sound familiar. You probably know a woman or you are that woman who has dedicated their lives to the needs of others. Our society tells us that is what we are good for. Women are nurturers. Women are caretakers. And society is not wrong, we are amazing at these things. But we are so much more than that.
I have spent little time alone in my life. Little time doing things by myself. Just in the past 2 years or so have I been doing more things alone. My kids are older now, 26, 16 and 15. And even just trips to the grocery store without kids is a new experience to me.
But since opening my practice and becoming a solo entrepreneur, doing things on my own and putting myself out there seem to be becoming more and more frequent. I decided that 2024 was going to be the year I really challenged myself to get out of my comfort zone and put myself out there. Alone. I have been doing little things like taking myself to lunch or dinner and attending events to promote my business.
Then last month when I saw that Powered by Women of Sac was hosting their annual Brunch event and was looking for vendors for the event, I jumped on it and applied. Truth be told, when I got an email saying that my vendor application was accepted, I started having second thoughts. Should I really do it? Tickets to the event were $150 and no one I knew was going. So this meant I would be going alone. Setting my booth up alone, not knowing where I would sit, or who I would sit with or if I would have anyone to talk to. Yes, this event would be 300 women, but I didn’t know any of them.
But I decided to push past my fear and pay the vendor fee before I could overthink myself into chickening out. Boom. Done. I was going, and I was doing it for myself and my business.
Then a new email came in, welcoming me as a vendor and inviting me to a special mixer the night before the event. And I think this when my past trauma from grade school showed up. From Kindergarten to 7th grade, I went to a new school, in a new city, every year. I was always the new girl. Everyone already had their friends, and most of the time they didn’t need a new one. I pictured myself standing in a room full of women, but alone.
After a conversation with my two teenagers, telling them how nervous I was about attending that event. My son said to me, “That is how I felt when I first started at my basketball conditioning, and now I am friends with everyone there.” And I looked over at him and I said “So you’re saying I should go?” And he said ‘Yes.”
I knew in that moment that I had to go, no matter how nervous or anxious I was. I needed to show my kids that even when I am nervous or anxious I still push myself out of my comfort zone and show up.
I showed up to the mixer (nervous as hell) and started talking to a group of ladies. I was vulnerable and told them that this was my first event with Powered by Women and that I was nervous to come because I didn't know anyone. I told them about the conversation I had with my kids, and what my son had said, my realization and why I had ultimately showed up even though it would have been easier not to.
One of the women I was talking to said, “I am going to use this in my speech tomorrow.” It turns out she was the Keynote speaker for the next day's event.
She did in fact mention me in her speech the next day at the Brunch event. Saying that what she loved so much about this story, is that this woman (ME!) is not only talking the talk, but she’s walking the walk. She was showing not only herself, but also her children, that just because something is uncomfortable, it doesn't mean we don't show up. And when we do show up, this is where we find growth. She went on to give an amazing speech where she also mentioned that she was recently in a room full of very powerful women, at the top of fields, and still with all their accomplishments and status, they had these same insecurities that held them back.
And look, if I wouldn’t have shown up to the mixer the night before, she wouldn't have then mentioned me in her speech. And it turns out I met a ton of amazing women at this event. All women business owners and entrepreneurs in the Sacramento area. I had a wonderful time, I was so inspired by the panel of speakers, and especially the keynote speaker. And I can not wait to attend more events in the future, and continue to connect with these like minded women.
What I am continuously learning as a business owner and an entrepreneur is that your business will not grow if you are not willing to grow. If you don't put yourself out there, how will people know who you are? How will they know what you have to offer?
I really hope this encourages you to step out of your comfort zone. To start the thing you've been putting off, to take the chance you've been scared to take, to sign up for the course you’ve been wanting to sign up for. To be brave and let yourself show up. Fully. Authentically. And unapologetically. This is the only life we get. Tomorrow is not promised. Don’t wait on your dreams.
Love,
Danielle
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